Women who are passionate about their lives, and have the courage to achieve their dreams have an “It Factor”. They don’t wait on things to happen, they make things happen, as a result of their unwavering discipline to do whatever it takes to reach their goals.
Marrying a compatible man is inevitable, when we are determined to actually DO the things we need to do (not just say we are going to do them) in order to get the men we want.
7. Strut your confidence
Confidence is the single sexiest attribute a woman can possess – not looks – confidence. Without exception, both sexes find this quality irresistible (we can’t help it). The same way women seek out the best possible mate – men are no different, and are naturally drawn to ladies who are sure of themselves, which suggests, that a regular female with uber-confidence, has a better chance of bowling over an average male, than a babe with zero-confidence. Why? Because her assertiveness is magnetic and oozes sex appeal.
Real men aren't looking for airbrushed supermodels to marry – mannequins are boring. Sure, he may consider a woman to be aesthetically pleasing, and become sexually aroused in her presence, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to subscribe to a monogamous relationship. The reality is, he may just want sex – especially after she opens her mouth! As much as a man needs to feel an animal attraction towards you, before he is willing to entertain marriage (if he wants to rip your clothes off upon first sight that is a good sign) for him to regard you as a potential life partner, he must be emotionally invested in your romance.
We all know, it takes a while to build a meaningful bond with a guy. On top of that, a top-notch man will frequently be exposed to drop dead gorgeous women, and have plenty of other tramps options on his speed dial.
To stand out in his mind, show off your great personality at the earliest opportunity, and communicate your expectations, rather than diving into bed with him – like everyone else.
If he is willing to listen to your demands for a traditional courtship, your goal is to add sufficient value to his life, until he has no choice but to fall hard, after acknowledging he Can’t. Live. Without. You. The added bonus is, his ego will get a real kick from knowing, he has enough charisma, to secure a confident woman.
A fabulous dating life starts with confidence
The dictionary describes confidence as:
A feeling of self-assurance
The state or quality of being certain
Most people make the mistake of assuming we need superficial badges of success, like money, fame, a big house, the right job or car, before feeling self-assured, when in reality the opposite rings true. Needing these things, actually breeds insecurity, if they were taken away from these people, they would almost always feel worthless.
Your black is beautiful!
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, in other words the idea of beauty, is down to how an individual perceives beauty. People insist being good-looking is only skin deep, even though it delves far deeper; genuine charm derives from the inside, and emanates out, incorporating how we carry ourselves, the presence we exhibit, and the respect we command. Although, you may continue to put yourself down, before giving in to your impulses again, please remember, there is no one on this planet who is God’s gift to men or women, there are people who have a more mainstream look, but you can choose to feel beautiful, irrespective of the propaganda forced upon you.
Embodying a stunning personality and attitude, is far more glamorous than superficial looks. If we truly want people to universally respect us, accept us, love us and appreciate our beauty as black women, we must accept ourselves as we are, present ourselves as we are, love ourselves as we are and be genuine in who we are, rather than allowing self-hate to run riot.
I’m just saying!
Nobody said faking it is a crime per se, but why drastically augment a physical appearance that the rest of the world covets, when taking care of ourselves, valuing our body, our skin (a black woman’s best asset) our health, dressing smartly on a daily basis, more than maximizes on what we have already. Don’t you think there are enough people being critical towards us without us being critical towards ourselves?
8. Are you really independent?
We can only truly call ourselves independent, when we've established these 3 things:
Spiritual fulfillment (a relationship with God or any consistent hobby which gives you long lasting, deep-felt happiness – sorry ladies it can’t be a man.)
Self-love (we need to master having a healthy relationship alone before committing to a healthy relationship with anyone else.)
Financial stability (how we treat money – save or spend it – determines how responsible we are for our well-being and future.)
If any 1 of these 3 points isn't under control, when a man pops into our life, making empty promises, or offers us a fraction of the terms above (happiness, love, money) our actions will drive us to do whatever it takes, often against our better judgement, in order to be associated with him.
There are exceptions to every rule: women do get hitched, despite lacking independence, but to marry well (as in ride into the sunset with your dream guy) we need to place ourselves in a secure position as the stronger we are as individuals (ticking all 3 boxes above) the stronger we will be in our marriage.
Maintaining independence, is the secret to keeping the spark alive. Being your own best friend, valuing your own opinions, and not giving up on your own goals and ambitions, will sway him to have an insatiable sexual appetite for you. Sound good? Try it.
9. Communication, communication, communication
I can’t stress enough, how important communication is in a relationship.
It will be the foundation and glue which holds your union together, come rain or shine.
There are 2 types of communication:
Verbal (words of affirmation, acts of service)
Non-verbal (physical touch, quality time, gifts)
Have you heard of a book called the ‘5 Love Languages?’ *Highly Recommended. If you can suss out your partner’s love language (what type of communication he responds to most in both categories) you will master, connect and satisfy your man on a much deeper level.
I don’t know about you (and no disrespect to cohabiting couples and single mothers) but I refuse to pop out kids, cook, clean for a man, on a long term basis, without some sort of commitment in return. If you’re an asset, it’s likely everyone who comes into contact with you as a couple, will see you’re an asset! Don’t feel reluctant to be upfront. Date him with an air of expectancy.
This isn't about applying pressure, after all, unless he’s as thick as a plank, he will appreciate that he can’t replace you on a whim. My question is ladies, if you have all the qualities mentioned so far, why sit in a relationship for 5 or 6 years wasting your youth, beauty, love – the list is endless – if you want marriage and he’s unsure?
I don’t get it? Your time and energy should be too precious, for you to commit to someone, who has substantial evidence you’re a wifey, yet still declines to make you his wife.
By BlackCityGirl
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